


You're Gonna OD on Nostalgia

by Duck_Life



Category: Generation X (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Adventure, Ev and Ange Are Alive, Friendship, Gen, Gratuitous Nineties References, Legends of the Hidden Temple - Freeform, Mojoworld, Serious But Also Funny, Team Dynamics, X-Babies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-07-06 19:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15892287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: The original Gen X gang travels to the Mojoverse to rescue friends thought long dead. Unfortunately, in Mojo's clutches they learn the deadly power of '90s nostalgia. (Title is a quote from "Pretty in Pink.")





	1. "I'm the baby, gotta love me." - Baby Sinclair, "Dinosaurs"

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this as a fix-it to bring back Synch and Skin and it just kind of.... kept getting longer. I blame Mojoworld.

They’ve been walking around Central Park for almost 20 minutes and Clarice has been shivering for 15 of them. When her teeth actually start chattering, Jubes rolls her eyes and wordlessly passes over her cardigan. 

“I’m fine,” Clarice insists.

“You’re dressed for the Bahamas, not New York,” Jubilation says, shoving the cardigan toward her. “Jeez, Blink, you always run cold, you know that? You’re like a little old lady.”

“Not cool, Lee,” Clarice says, but she takes the cardigan anyway. As soon as it’s around her shoulders she stops shivering. “I miss San Francisco. Why’s everything gotta be so cold up here?” 

Before Jubilation can come back with a snarky response, someone— or some _ thing _ — pops out from behind a rock beside them and scurries away to the nearest copse of trees. All either of them manages to make out is a blur of black and gold. 

Jubilation sighs and glances over at the girl who, once upon a time, was meant to be her teammate. “I guess we have to make that  _ our _ problem, don’t we?”

“Looks like it,” Clarice sighs. She and Jubilation move in toward the treeline. “Hey? Hello, little, uh, whoever you are?”

“Come on out, we don’t bite,” Jubilation says. She winks at Clarice. “Anymore.”

An oblong, irregular head pokes out from behind a tree trunk. The creature is pitch-black, shot through with streaks of yellow-gold, and his huge yellow eyes stare at them with trepidation. “ `ALERT. Strangers identify— selfie/friends or selfie/foes?`”

Clarice gives Jubilation a look that’s clearly meant to convey the sentiment,  _ The fuck is going on? _

“Uh, friends!” Jubilation says, holding her hands up. “Definitely friends. I’m Jubilee and this is Blink. Who are you?” 

The creature doesn’t move from his hiding spot except to stretch his neck further. It extends like a telescoping pole.  “`Designation is Selfie.`”

“Wha—  _ selfie _ ?”

“Holy shit.” Clarice grabs Jubilation’s arm hard enough to leave fingernail marks. “That’s Warlock! I mean, it’s a little Warlock, like if Warlock had a baby. Can Warlock have babies? I got no clue. But  _ that’s _ a baby Warlock.”

“Warlock, whataya mean Warlock?” Jubilation says, tilting her head to the side to get a better look at the bizarre little guy. “He doesn’t look like a warlock to me.”

“Not  _ a _ warlock, Warlock, like, from the New Mutants,” Clarice explains, exasperated. “Hey, Warlock!”

“`Designation is Selfie.`”

“Okay,  _ Selfie _ ,” Clarice says. “My name’s Clarice. Do you know me?” Selfie says nothing. “You gotta know how to speak his language,” she says to Jubilation. “Uh, self is self/friend of self/Warlock/self and self,” she says, enunciating each word slowly. 

Selfie’s big yellow eyes blink like headlights with the hazards on.  “`Data incomprehensible. Selfie came to Earth to seek entity identified as JONOTHAN STARSMORE. Do selfie/strangers/Jubilee-and-Blink know location of JONOTHAN STARSMORE?`”

“You’re looking for Jono?” Jubilation splutters. “Why?” 

“`Selfie must deliver message from selfie/friend/Angelo.`” 

Jubilation feels like she just got her legs swept out from under her. “Angelo…?” she says, staring at this childlike version of a Technarch alien. “But… how could Angelo have sent you?”

“Hey,” Clarice says, elbowing her, “wasn’t Angelo that guy that—?”

“Died horribly on Xavier’s lawn, nailed to a cross,” Jubilation finishes her sentence drily. “So listen up, Selfie-Stick, this is some sick kind of joke and I  _ don’t _ appreciate it, ya understand?” She storms toward the alien and he squeals. 

“`ALERT. ALERT.`”

“Go ahead, cry for help,” Jubilation snarls, scooping up Selfie and holding him against a tree trunk. “Nobody’s comin’.”

“Uh, Jubes?” Clarice says. “You might be wrong about that.” 

She looks around the clearing, which is suddenly a lot more crowded. Standing in a semicircle around Jubilation, Clarice and Selfie are childlike parodies of Bishop, Maggott, Rogue, Havok and Adam the X-Treme. 

“Ohh,” Jubilation groans, letting Selfie return to the ground. “Everything makes sense now and I hate it.” She looks sternly at Selfie. “You’re an X-Baby.”

“`Affirmative.`”


	2. "What do you wanna do tonight, Brain?" - Pinky, "Pinky & the Brain"

Jubilation and Clarice lead the X-Babies back to the Xavier Institute, looking like the world’s most exhausted field trip chaperones. “Explain it again to me,” Clarice says, catching up to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Jubilation. “They’re  _ baby versions _ of the actual X-Men?”

“They’re from Mojoworld,” Jubilation says, stomping back down the paths of Central Park toward the Institute. “Or… Mojoverse. Same diff, I think. I dunno. The X-Babies were created for entertainment when Mojo-Jojo realized that baby versions of the X-Men got great ratings. But then the X-Babies rebelled against their sadistic dictator, and now they’re free agents. Who… still live in Mojoworld. Or the Mojoverse, whatever.” 

“The Mojoworld resides  _ inside _ the Mojoverse, Jubilation,” Baby Bish corrects her. 

“Kid, the whole formidable-authority ‘ooh look at me I’ve got an M on my eye and I’m from the future’ thing doesn’t work when you’re basically the perfect size for me to punt you across the park,” Jubilation says. “Are you also here to deliver a message to Jono?”

“I’m here to make sure Selfie’s message is delivered,” Baby Bish says. “We all are. It is of vital importance.” 

“Okay, but why Jonothan?” Jubilation asks, pushing open the front door of the Institue and holding it open for the baby brigade. “Why not me an’ Paige and Monet, too?”

“`Selfie/friend/Angelo experienced most profound soul/friend/bond with entity JONOTHAN STARSMORE.`”

Clarice’s eyebrows fly upward but she doesn’t say anything. 

“Jono, open up,” Jubilation yells, pounding on his bedroom door. “A baby techno-organic alien from the MTV dimension wants to give you a message from your dead friend!” 

Jonothan opens the door, balancing Shogo on his shoulders. <Lee? What’s goin’ on?> Then his eyes widen when he takes in the group of X-Babies behind her. <What the hell?>

“We found them in the park and they followed us home,” Clarice shrugs. “Can we keep ‘em?” 

“`Selfie has urgent message for entity JONOTHAN STARSMORE,`”  Selfie announces.  “`Selfie/stranger identifies as JONOTHAN STARSMORE?`”

Jono stares in bewilderment at the X-Baby-version of Warlock and then back at Jubilation. <Can I say no and go back to my book?>

“It’s from Angelo,” Jubilation says. 

<Ah.> Jono scoops Shogo off his shoulders and passes him over to Jubilation before kneeling down and meeting Selfie’s eyes. <Alright, then. What’s the message?>

Selfie makes a mechanical whirring noise that might be his version of clearing his throat.  “`Selfie/friend/Angelo audio recording commencing: `

> _ Jono. It’s Ange. I know you might not believe me— hell, I wouldn’t believe me. But I also know this: you blew out your jaw the day your powers manifested. You’ve got a tattoo that says, “the luck I’ve had can make a good man turn bad.” Oh, and you think fingerless gloves make you look cool even though they actually make you look like an ensemble cast member from Oliver Twist. I know you. You gotta know it’s me. _
> 
> _ Not long after Selene brought me an’ Everett back to life, we got captured by someone called Major Domo and wound up on Mojoworld. Shit’s crazy. We’ve been living inside TV shows for what feels like forever. I had to host Multiverse’s Funniest Home Videos for eight seasons! Ev kept getting stuck in soap operas. _
> 
> _ Anyway, Selfie here helped break our programming and free us from Mojo’s brainwashing, but we’re still stranded here. We need help getting out. And hurry it up, willya? I think if I hear another laugh track my head’s gonna explode. _
> 
> _ Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope. _
> 
> _ Espinosa out. _

`End of recording. To play again, say REPEAT. To save this message in the archives`—”

“Shaddup,” Jubilation says, taking a swat at him that he narrowly amisses. “Omigod. Angelo and Everett are alive.”

“It’s insane.” 

“Selfie didn’t just 86 Mojo’s programming,” X-Tra X-Treme x-plains. “He got rid of the transmode virus, too. So Selene’s resurrection actually stuck for your buddies.”

“Like with me,” Clarice mumbles. 

“Exactamundo,” X-Tra X-Treme says. 

“Okay,” Jubilation says, staring at Shogo in her arms like he might help her make the right decision. “Okay. Obviously this is the real deal. I mean, he knew about your groin tatt. No one knows that!”

Jono grimaces, which is hard to tell with the scarf covering his mouth, but it’s obvious by the look of dread in his eyes. <’Cept you, Lee. And now all these tiny children. And Clarice.>

“It’s on your…?” Clarice says, eyes wandering. 

“Oh, shoot,” Jubilation says. “Angelo didn’t actually say where it was, did he?” 

<He did not.>

“Oops,” Jubilation says, looking not at all regretful. “Alright, gang. Looks like we’re going to Mojoworld. Blink?”

“Yeah, I can get us there,” she says, cracking her knuckles. “We might want backup though.”

“Oh, fer sure,” Jubilation says. “Let’s round up Paige and Monet. And… maybe Artie and Leech. Ooh, and Penance.”

Jono squints. <That might not fly so well with Monet.>

“Well, we need all hands on deck,” Jubilation says. “Even if those hands are ruby-red and very pointy.” 

At that moment, Emma Frost comes waltzing down the hall. “You’re going to Mojoworld? I’m coming with you,” she says flatly, her white cape billowing behind her. 

Clarice frowns. “How’d you know…?”

“Oh, please, I psi-scanned the X-Babies the second they set foot on the property,” Emma says, clicking her tongue. “I failed Everett before. And Angelo. I won’t do it again.” 

“Neither will I,” says a gravelly voice from behind her. Sean Cassidy— the Banshee— steps forward. His hair is long and unkempt and his face looks gaunt, but he’s volunteering all the same. “Count me in.”

<Are we sure Clarice can ‘port this many people?> Jono says.

“Aw, it’ll be fine,” Jubilation insists. “Artie and Leech are small. They basically count as one person.”

* * *

It doesn’t take much convincing to get Paige and Monet in on the trip. Aside from the obvious— their friends are alive and in need of rescue— they each have their own motives for participating. Monet feels like she needs to prove herself after falling prey to her brother once again. Paige feels like she needs to do something worthwhile with herself instead of puttering around Xavier’s.

Jono speaks with Penance for about fifteen minutes, explaining to her what they’re doing and what trouble Angelo and Everett are in. Finally, she nods. Monet, predictably, isn’t thrilled about having a reminder of the worst time in her life tag along on this rescue operation, but she at least has the grace to keep quiet. 

Once Leech agreed to come with (“Leech’s friends in trouble! Leech will help.”) Artie pretty much automatically agreed to join them. 

Jubilation gets Trevor Hawkins to agree to watch Shogo while they’re gone, and then Blink teleports them from Earth to Mojoworld. 


	3. "How rude!" - Stephanie Tanner, "Full House"

“ _ Full Ship” _ _   
_ Starring Artie and Leech

Jean Grey returns to the sentient spaceship she calls home, arms laden with grocery bags. “Leech, honey, can you help me with these bags?” 

“You got it, dude!” Leech declares, hopping down from his seat at the kitchen counter to help Jean unload several boxes of generic cereal. Something rumbles in the background, like a hundred people laughing. Leech ignores it. “Hey! What gives! Leech asked for Sugar Bombs. Leech was going to eat all the Sugar Bombs Leech needed to to get the special decoder ring.”

“And you would have given yourself a bellyache,” Jean scolds. “You’ll eat what I bought and you’ll like it, Mister. Understand?”

“You got it, dude,” Leech sighs. 

Just then, Skids storms into the house. “If I don’t lose ten pounds by Friday I’ll just die!” she declares, setting her Trapper Keeper down on the kitchen table. “Jean, can we go to the gym tonight?”

“Sure thing, Sally,” Jean says. “If you want, you can join in my aerobics class. Scott and Bobby are coming, too.”

“Did somebody say Mr. Summers in tight workout clothes?” Tabitha says, banging the door open and strutting in behind Skids. “Humina humina! Where do I sign up?”

“Hello, Tabitha,” Jean says, her voice dripping ice. “I hope you’re not here to eat all our food again! I just went grocery shopping!”

“But I barely had  _ anything _ to eat,” Tabitha laments. “All I’ve eaten today is a ham sandwich, Toaster Strudels, chips, Cheetos, Pop Tarts and a teeny-tiny chicken pot pie!”

“Wow, Tabby,” Skids says. “If you keep eating like that, you’ll get fat! Like me!”

“Sally, you aren’t fat at all,” Jean says, coming around the table to hug her. “Your body is perfect just the way it is. This plotline is resolved now.” 

“Gee, thanks, Jean!” Skids glows. “I sure am hungry now. Think you could pour me a nice bowl of cereal?”

“Sure thing, Sally,” Jean says. “What do you want?” 

“Sugar Bombs!” Laugh track. Fade to black. Fade in, interior, Leech finds himself standing alone in the kitchen and thinking that something  _ strange _ is going on, and that’s when Scott and Warren walk in. 

“You have to make up your mind, man,” Warren says, his metallic wings clinking together. “Do you want Maddie? Or Jean?”

“I don’t know, Warren! And I’m tired of the questions!” Scott says. “So why don’t you just cut— it— out!” 

That’s when Artie walks through the door, pouting, his arms crossed. “Oh, hey buddy!” Scott says. “What’s going on?”

Artie projects an image of himself, sitting in the car alone. 

“Aw, man, we locked him in the car,” Warren sighs. Artie projects a big thumbs down. “What do you mean, Artie?”

Leech pipes up. “Artie says… How Rude!” The audience laughs and Artie suddenly looks frantically across the room, meeting Leech’s eyes. He projects just a simple image— a television set. 

Leech understands.

Leech always understands Artie. 

“Fake,” he says, and Artie nods. “Fake memories. Fake people. Fake laughs.” Artie nods again. “Leech and Artie real?” Artie projects a big thumbs up— and then an arrow. They need to get out of here,  _ now _ . 


	4. "I may be dead, but I'm still pretty." - Buffy Summers, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

_ “Monet the Vampire Slayer” _ _   
_ Starring Monet St. Croix and Jubilation Lee

“Monet? Monet, what are we doing here? Where are we?” The room is dark, and Monet looms above her, deadly and beautiful. She holds a sword in one hand, and Jubilation realizes with a start that she’s kneeling on the stone floor, looking up at Monet. 

“Jubilee?” Monet says breathlessly. She helps Jubilation to her feet and hugs her, and it’s… not unwelcome. Jubilation’s just confused as hell. “How much do you remember?”

And, oh,  _ then _ it comes back. Losing her soul on the night of Monet’s 17th birthday, returning to her evil vampire roots, butting heads with Monet and her “Scooby Gang” of Layla, Jamie and of course her Watcher, Xavier. 

“I missed you,” Jubilation admits, because that’s what she remembers most. 

“I missed you too,” Monet says, and even though this is meant to be a happy reunion, she looks sad. Jubilation doesn’t know why. She hears something behind her, but she’s too focused on Monet. “C-close your eyes,” Monet says. Jubilation does. “I love you.” She leans forward, brushes her lips against Jubilation’s—

Jubilation jerks to the side and throws herself out of the way of what she  _ knows _ is coming next— a big sword in her chest. Because she just remembered why all this seems familiar. 

“M!” she hollers, her side aching where she landed. “This isn’t real! This scene? It’s what Buffy did to Angel at the end of season two.” 

“What?” Monet says, sounding almost like she just woke up. Then she looks down at the sword in her hand. “Oh,  _ shit _ .” She tosses it. 

“We’re inside a TV show,” Jubilation says. “We’re inside a really  _ good _ TV show, but still. We gotta figure out a way to get out of this.”                  


	5. "Life's tough, get a helmet." - Eric Matthews, "Boy Meets World"

_ “Husk Meets World” _ _   
_ Starring Paige Guthrie, Jonothan Starsmore and Special Guest Star Sean Cassidy

Banshee lies so still and so pale on the hospital cot that he already looks dead. Paige feels her hands shake and she turns desperately to look at Jono. “I can’t— I can’t be in here,” she says. “This is too intense.” 

<This is real, Paige,> Jono says somberly. <I’m sorry you never had anything to believe in, what with living in a trailer park and your dad always going away, but this cult that you joined in the span of one episode is  _ not _ the answer.>

“I have to go,” Paige says, trying to brush past him, but Jono grabs her shoulders and hugs her.

<This is a hug.  _ This is a hug _ , Paige. And this is when you hug somebody— when you  _ care _ about them. And you want them to know that.>

“I do,” she says, actually hugging him back. “I do know that.” Paige frowns. “Something’s wrong.”

<I know it seems like everything’s wrong, but—>

“No, like, something’s…  _ off _ ,” Paige says, spinning away from him to look around the room. “Topanga— oh. Topanga’s supposed to be in this scene.” She’s not even sure what she’s saying until she’s already said it. “This isn’t real.”

<Paige, I know Mr. Milbury might have told you that—>

“Oh, forget it, Jono, I didn’t join a cult!” she says, rolling her eyes. “Mojo stuck us in an episode of ‘Boy Meets World.’” 


	6. "How you doin'?" - Joey Tribbianni, "Friends"

_ X.F.R.I.E.N.D.S. _   
Starring Emma Frost, Clarice Ferguson and Penance

“Aaaaand, finished,” Emma announces, twisting the cap on the bottle of nail polish. The tips of Penance’s fingers now gleam with perfectly manicured French tips. “Just let it dry before you try to open a bag of chips or something.”

“I like having girls’ night,” Clarice decides, lounging on the couch. “Just gals, hanging out, validating each other.” 

“I’m just glad we don’t have to dance in that fucking fountain anymore,” Emma mumbles darkly.

“Huh? What was that, Miss Frost?”

“Nothing!” 

Emma figured out where they were the second they got stuck here. 

What she hasn’t figured out is how to get out. She’s tried every door in the bloody apartment building. She’s tried jumping  _ off _ the apartment building. If she has to listen to Guido say “How you doin’” one more time she’s going to lose her mind. 

They’re sitting in Central Perk, sipping lattes out of ridiculously large coffee cups, when Longshot runs in wearing a wedding dress.

* * *

 

“I can get you to the studio!” Longshot declares, holding out a hand to Emma. “That’s where you’re trying to go, right? The studio?”

“Just out of this nightmare,” Emma says. “Girls, come on.”

“Come… where?” Clarice says. 

“Your life is a TV show. We’re busting out. Try and keep up, dear,” Emma says, walking out the door of the fake coffeehouse with Longshot. “How did you end up here?”

“Just lucky I guess!” Longshot says, because every damn thing he says has to have an exclamation point. Emma’s not sure how Alison put up with him for as long as she did. 

“And the wedding dress?”

“I’ve been working as a stuntman again!” Longshot explains. “Right now I’m working on a movie about a runaway bride! I fell off a boat!”

“Alright, Longshot, listen to me,” Emma says, hoping he can focus. “I need you to get us out of here. I need you to get  _ all of us _ out of TV Land, you understand? Me, Clarice and Penance but also Jubilation, Paige, Monet, Jonothan, Sean, Artie and Leech. Can you do that?” 

“Does a mall babe eat chili fries?”

Emma glares at him. “What? Am I supposed to have any idea what that means?”

“It means yes, I will help you!” Longshot says. 


	7. "This rock is ready to roll!" - Olmec, "Legends of the Hidden Temple"

Through a mishmash of stealth, luck and telepathy, Emma, Longshot and the girls manage to make their way through Mojo’s studio, rescuing the rest of the team along the way. “Hello, Monet!” Longshot says, greeting his former teammate.

She looks suspicious. And she’s chosen to keep her sword as a souvenir of her role as a vampire slayer. “It feels like we’ve been here for weeks,” she spits, royally pissed off. “I’ve been around Xavier, Madrox, fucking  _ Mondo _ . All simulations. How am I supposed to just believe that this guy’s real?”

“We ask him a question only the real Longshot would know,” Paige says, stepping around Jono to confront the Mojoworld native. “How many fingers do you have?” Longshot holds up his four-fingered hand. “Alright, he’s legit.” 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Monet says, and steps forward to swing at Longshot with her sword. As luck would have it, just around the corner Nico Minoru and Wanda Maximoff were trapped in Mojo’s simulated version of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch.” The black cat Major Domo had abducted and transformed into Salem was being finicky today. At that instant, Nico opens the door and the cat makes a run for it, weaving around Jubilation and Clarice’s legs before running smack into Monet’s ankle and tripping her. Monet topples, and her sword clatters to the floor beside her. “Yeah,” she grunts from the floor. “It’s him.” She sighs. “Anyone wanna help me get up?” 

Paige pulls her to her feet and takes stock of the situation. “Last thing I remember is teleporting to Mojoworld.” Everyone else nods their agreement. “But I don’t know how long we’ve been trapped here.”

Artie projects a calendar with red X’s covering two weeks. 

“Oh my god,” Jubilation huffs. “Jeez, I hope Trevor’s okay with Shogo. Only  _ we _ would get captured on our own rescue mission.” 

“Shogo is your son, right?” Longshot says, and then frowns. “That’s nice! I always wanted a son! I suppose luck just wasn’t with me, though! Would you like me to transport back to Earth and check on your son?”

“That would be fantastic,” Jubilation says. “But how will you get— ?”

At that moment, a gleaming disc appears behind Longshot and Illyana Rasputin appears. “Fuck, I was trying to go to Spencer’s Gifts.” 

Longshot beams. “Can I get a ride?”

Illyana glances at the motley crew, only mildly interested, and then shrugs, not batting an eye at Longshot’s wedding dress. “Yeah, whatever.” Longshot jumps into a stepping disc with Illyana and they’re magicked away in an instant. 

“Well, that was lucky,” Monet mumbles.

“For him!” Jubilation responds, folding her arms. “I still don’t know how the hell we’re supposed to find—”

“ _ Madre de dios _ , what’d you do, stop at the gift shop?” 

The battered team that once called itself Generation X turns around to look at the young man at the end of the hall. 

“Angelo?” 

<Angelo?!>

“ _ Sí _ , Jubecita, Jono, in the flesh,” Angelo grins, approaching them. “All six extra feet of it.” 

Jubilation doesn’t think or pause. She just runs pelting down the hallway and leaps at her old friend, pulling him into a fierce hug. 

Jono’s the one who hesitates, who reaches out psionically to his friend and gets stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. He turns to see Emma, her jaw clenched tightly. 

“Something’s wrong,” she whispers. 

Jubilation is still hugging Angelo, and his arms are around her— and then they’re around her again, looping repeatedly, coiling tighter like a boa constrictor. “Ange?”

“Welcome to Mojoworld, Generation X,” Angelo snarls in a mechanical voice not his own. “Hope you survive the experience.”

* * *

When Jubilation opens her eyes, she’s surprised to find she’s standing upright, not restrained. Her feet are planted firmly on a staircase and she’s standing on what looks like some kind of soundstage, completely decked out in Mayan architecture. At the gate of the temple in front of her, a huge stone Olmec head watches silently. 

“What’s going on?” Clarice asks beside her. Jubilation whirls around to look at her… and her jaw drops. Clarice is wearing knee pads, elbow pads, a helmet and a purple t-shirt with the image of a parrot on it. 

“Ohhh boy,” Jubilation groans. “We’re the Purple Parrots.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Jubilation grimaces and looks out at the Moat, the Steps of Knowledge, the Temple. “We’re on Legends of the Hidden Temple.”

The stage suddenly echoes with sound. “From Mojo Incorporated Studios in the Mojoverse,” a nasally voice booms from the speakers surrounding them, “it’s GENERATION X. Featuring the White Queen herself, EMMA FROST. Everyone’s favorite gum-popping teen with a ‘tude, JUBILEE. The X-Men’s answer to Paris Hilton, MONET ST. CROIX. Legends… of the Hidden Temple! With your guide, Mojo! And here he is now.”

The alien TV producer scuttles out into the spotlight, putrid yellow and grinning with sickly sharp teeth. “Welcome to the limelight, Gen X. I’ve been  _ struggling _ to come up with the best setting for your final showdown. I finally figured it out. What better way to showcase a team of nobodies that peaked in the nineties than with the nineties’ favorite tween game show? One of these six teams will have a chance to get out alive. Will it be the Red Jaguars, the Blue Barracudas, the Green Monkeys, the Orange Iguanas, the Purple Parrots, or the Silver Snakes?”

Panicking now, Jubilation looks around the temple. Emma and Sean are in Red Jaguars shirts, Paige and Jono are the Blue Barracudas, Monet and Penance are Green Monkeys, Artie and Leech are Orange Iguanas. But the Silver Snakes…?

“They're gonna have to pass some tough physical and mental tests,” Mojo rattles on. “Today’s show is a little different, folks. The legend artifact our contestants are after is… their former teammates!” A room in the temple lights up, revealing Angelo and Everett in Silver Snakes shirts, both of them restrained. “And in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's Temple. But first, they must cross the moat, and it won’t be easy.”

“Hey!” Monet yells, kicking her feet against the stage floor. “Where are we? What’s going on?”

“Were you not listening to the spiel?” Paige hollers back. “We have to cross the Moat, answer the questions to climb the Steps of Knowledge, run through the Temple and collect the artifact.”

<Uh, luv, the  _ artifacts _ are Ev and Angelo.>

“Don’t you worry, Jono, the Blue Barracudas are gonna win,” Paige says defiantly, her accent becoming more pronounced with her competitive streak. “Y’all are goin’ down!”

“Hey, Hayseed!” Jubilation yells from the other side of the temple. “You realize we  _ all _ need to get out of here alive, right?” 

Mojo bulldozes on. “Teams, are you ready?”

“No!”

“NO.”

“Leech is ready.”

<Bloody fuckin’ not.>

“We’re not ready.”

“Olmec are you ready?” Mojo demands. 

The giant temple head before them opens its mouth with a groan. “This rock is ready to roll!”

Mojo grins at his captive audience. “On your mark, get set… go.”


End file.
